Rhett Butler?
or George Bailey?
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
In Defense of Marriage
No, don't worry. I'm not about to go on a political rant.
My boss has me check his email every once in a while to help him keep on top of his very busy and important press schedule. Some time ago while I was doing this, I read an email from his son talking about how he thought the idea of marriage was outdated.
His first sentence was, "Why do people even get married anymore?" He continued on a bitter diatribe about the foolishness of marriage and how people shouldn't make decisions while they're on "emotional crack" (aka in love), and how he had changed so much over the past ten years that he couldn't imagine being stuck in the same relationship with someone for even that long. My favorite part of his email was when he said that if people got married because they wanted to have children that was a ridiculous reason because "I promise you, you can have kids without being married." I was so disturbed by this whole episode that I drafted a response on the yellow legal pad next to my computer:
Marriage isn't just an outlet for the pathetic or the weak--those who lack the courage to face life by themselves. In fact, the inability to give or receive love would be a greater weakness than the ability to be independent. Western society glorifies independence as the be-all-end-all of personal strength, when in reality it fuels its own set of vices--selfishness, cold-blooded disregard for others, and social irresponsibility. In a word, independence often means loneliness. Now, you may equate the capacity to be lonely with a weakness in human character, but I don't. I think that our ability to feel lonely is also an indicator of our ability to still give and receive love.
Love isn't being on crack. One of my best friends once described it as waking up slowly after a long, peaceful night's rest. Love is about choice--choosing to relinquish a piece of your independence in order to build another's happiness. And while you may not be the same person in ten years, that's just the point. A relationship without the perspective of continual growth is stagnant--the difference between a mountain stream and a lowland quagmire. Marriage helps you create a shared experience that provides continual validation. Of course marriage is difficult. But that's also what makes it rewarding.
Also, while it's physically possible to have children outside of marriage, that's not the best way to build a society. The motivation for why you have children matters. If you have children simply because you want them, but you're not willing to give them the best life by providing a stable home environment, then the family disintegrates amidst egocentricity. Of course you can have children outside of marriage. But then again, having children isn't all about you. And while you bring up the escalating divorce rate, perhaps the divorce rate has more to do with the underlying selfishness of western society than it does with the failure of the institution. I've known a number of happy, successful marriages, but they're built on the principles of self-sacrifice and unselfishness, both of which seem to be worthless virtues by your standards.
And now, I must get back to work. I'm studying at the Library of Congress today and my books have just arrived. For the next eight hours, I will be combing through six fat books to find useful information on Theodore Roosevelt. Excellent.
My boss has me check his email every once in a while to help him keep on top of his very busy and important press schedule. Some time ago while I was doing this, I read an email from his son talking about how he thought the idea of marriage was outdated.
His first sentence was, "Why do people even get married anymore?" He continued on a bitter diatribe about the foolishness of marriage and how people shouldn't make decisions while they're on "emotional crack" (aka in love), and how he had changed so much over the past ten years that he couldn't imagine being stuck in the same relationship with someone for even that long. My favorite part of his email was when he said that if people got married because they wanted to have children that was a ridiculous reason because "I promise you, you can have kids without being married." I was so disturbed by this whole episode that I drafted a response on the yellow legal pad next to my computer:
Marriage isn't just an outlet for the pathetic or the weak--those who lack the courage to face life by themselves. In fact, the inability to give or receive love would be a greater weakness than the ability to be independent. Western society glorifies independence as the be-all-end-all of personal strength, when in reality it fuels its own set of vices--selfishness, cold-blooded disregard for others, and social irresponsibility. In a word, independence often means loneliness. Now, you may equate the capacity to be lonely with a weakness in human character, but I don't. I think that our ability to feel lonely is also an indicator of our ability to still give and receive love.
Love isn't being on crack. One of my best friends once described it as waking up slowly after a long, peaceful night's rest. Love is about choice--choosing to relinquish a piece of your independence in order to build another's happiness. And while you may not be the same person in ten years, that's just the point. A relationship without the perspective of continual growth is stagnant--the difference between a mountain stream and a lowland quagmire. Marriage helps you create a shared experience that provides continual validation. Of course marriage is difficult. But that's also what makes it rewarding.
Also, while it's physically possible to have children outside of marriage, that's not the best way to build a society. The motivation for why you have children matters. If you have children simply because you want them, but you're not willing to give them the best life by providing a stable home environment, then the family disintegrates amidst egocentricity. Of course you can have children outside of marriage. But then again, having children isn't all about you. And while you bring up the escalating divorce rate, perhaps the divorce rate has more to do with the underlying selfishness of western society than it does with the failure of the institution. I've known a number of happy, successful marriages, but they're built on the principles of self-sacrifice and unselfishness, both of which seem to be worthless virtues by your standards.
And now, I must get back to work. I'm studying at the Library of Congress today and my books have just arrived. For the next eight hours, I will be combing through six fat books to find useful information on Theodore Roosevelt. Excellent.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Happy Ash Wednesday
I was making a mad dash to Trader Joe's this morning to try and buy some chicken for dinner group tonight, when I noticed a lady with a dark smudge of black on her forehead. I was rude enough to stare until she caught my eye.
Then, because I rock at being observant, I noticed the old-fashioned Catholic church on the corner-- the St. Something-or-other Chapel.
Then, I remembered the 45-year-old man who sat next to me during lunch a few days ago and hit on me, inviting me to a Mardi Gras party, talking about the exorbitant amounts of complimentary alcohol, and encouraging me to "let my hair down." Lovely.
I'm proud to say I connected the dots. Go me.
So I'm not very up on Catholic holidays, in case you hadn't noticed, but I do know that Ash Wednesday kicks off Lent, the period of fasting. Active Catholics choose to forego something of moderate or deep value to them in the next forty days in the effort to draw closer to God. In honor of this inspiring tradition and because my natural character inclines itself to self-sacrifice, I announce my intention to forego boiled eggs and good grades.
Boiled eggs can speak for themselves. Gross.
Good grades require some explanation. It just so happens that I'm enrolled full time in classes while also working full time for my internship. Realizing that my acceptance to this program included an interview in which they interrogated me as to my seriousness as a student, and also realizing that I could be reneging on my promise to work hard at my classes, I have decided that sleep is more important. My teacher, a political science professor, has also taken it upon himself to use 13th century editing to grade our papers. Now who really knows anything about the writing of the 13th century? All I know is that they used v for u and a large s for f and probably z for e. They also wrote in an era when bizarre still meant handsome, late still meant recent, and gay still meant happy. I will not be defeated by a professor and his prehistoric language. Instead, I choose sanity. And maybe a couple trips to the Smithsonian.
Then, because I rock at being observant, I noticed the old-fashioned Catholic church on the corner-- the St. Something-or-other Chapel.
Then, I remembered the 45-year-old man who sat next to me during lunch a few days ago and hit on me, inviting me to a Mardi Gras party, talking about the exorbitant amounts of complimentary alcohol, and encouraging me to "let my hair down." Lovely.
I'm proud to say I connected the dots. Go me.
So I'm not very up on Catholic holidays, in case you hadn't noticed, but I do know that Ash Wednesday kicks off Lent, the period of fasting. Active Catholics choose to forego something of moderate or deep value to them in the next forty days in the effort to draw closer to God. In honor of this inspiring tradition and because my natural character inclines itself to self-sacrifice, I announce my intention to forego boiled eggs and good grades.
Boiled eggs can speak for themselves. Gross.
Good grades require some explanation. It just so happens that I'm enrolled full time in classes while also working full time for my internship. Realizing that my acceptance to this program included an interview in which they interrogated me as to my seriousness as a student, and also realizing that I could be reneging on my promise to work hard at my classes, I have decided that sleep is more important. My teacher, a political science professor, has also taken it upon himself to use 13th century editing to grade our papers. Now who really knows anything about the writing of the 13th century? All I know is that they used v for u and a large s for f and probably z for e. They also wrote in an era when bizarre still meant handsome, late still meant recent, and gay still meant happy. I will not be defeated by a professor and his prehistoric language. Instead, I choose sanity. And maybe a couple trips to the Smithsonian.
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