Identity crises are not just for old men and fancy cars

Did anyone else go through an identity crisis in their college years?

Living in a town where the people seem larger than life creates the perfect impetus for the individual examination of purpose and plan. The backdrop of the United States government can make you feel really small and unimportant, especially when you scurry every day through the shadows of the monuments to truly great men such as Washington and Lincoln. Today as I was walking home from work, every street had police blockades and federal sentinels stationed to guard the way as the Chinese president and his minions made their way in a siren-blaring motorcade to the state dinner at the White House. Hordes of protesters for Tibetan freedom chanted in rhythm about Hu Jintao's "failed leadership" and carried a mock-style coffin for the CCP "dead party." I speak to my fellow interns and they talk about going to Congressional meetings, briefing the undersecretary of the national treasury, or some other world-shaking project. Am I the only one who came to Washington, DC to find out where I wanted to go? Everyone, it seems, has an axe to grind or a platform to push. So where's my axe?

I can think of plenty of things that I feel passionate about, but I don't know if I want to make them my life purpose. For instance, I know that Liberia has some serious problems with incorporating their traditional judicial systems with the formal judicial system created by the new government. There's only one lawyer in the entire country with the background and education necessary to deal with juvenile delinquency. As it stands now, it would take ten years where a majority of students studied law in order for the judicial system to even begin to fill the posts necessary to run the formal system. Until then, they rely on the traditional tribal means of obtaining justice--systems that often implement torturous practices such as trial by ordeal. I recognize this as a situation that needs help and assistance. Do I want to make it my life purpose?

You see, I don't know if there's anything that I can think of that would inspire enough passion within me to keep me going for a lifetime of dedication. There's so much power in focus. People like Gandhi, Mother Theresa, and other remarkable figures found a cause to which they could dedicate their lives, and they stuck to it. I guess I came to Washington to find something like that--something that would help me catch a vision or glimpse of what I could accomplish with the ensuing years.

Instead, I'm working as a glorified secretary. Not even glorified, really. I just go by a different name: intern. I don't mind, honestly. I'm learning a lot. I can't tell you how much I've learned about the American government process, the state of the modern media, the Arab-Israeli peace negotiations, and the Liberian civil war. Not to mention the fact that I've added about twenty new words to my vocabulary (anathema, diaspora, plebiscite, pelf, unctuous). I appreciate these opportunities. But I guess I don't feel as though they're bringing me any closer to discovering my driving purpose for my career.

It doesn't have anything to do with money. I can handle being poor if it's for a cause. I can also probably handle being rich (I'll let you know when I try it). It has everything to do with waking up in the morning knowing that I belong somewhere--knowing that I have a meaningful, significant place, however small. I've only ever had this feeling a few times in my life. One of them was when I served my mission for my church. Never before and never since have I felt such a sense of purpose and meaning. Not sure where it went.